It had been a fantastic day. I had just received the ultimate weapon my brother had made me and I was completely overjoyed. Nothing could ruin the moment…or at least that’s what I thought.
As I studied the bomb, I sensed there was a distinct smell looming in the air. I cautiously sniffed and realized the scent was salt. It was growing stronger, yet I had no idea why. Then, I heard a loud and emphatic roar. I knew right at that moment that I was in deep trouble. I twisted my body only to face a gigantic tower of blue. It kept growing and I knew it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. My feet dashed through the bushes, trying to escape the giant wave of death. I clutched onto my bomb as tight as I could. Even though I was running as fast as possible, I knew the wave was gaining on me. I looked back and noticed it was about to collapse. The wave came down like a hammer and shook the ground beneath me. Instantly, I was knocked down to the surface. The impact had shaken me up a bit, but I was alright. That is, of course, until I took a glance and saw tons of water coming rapidly towards me. I tried to stand, but by then, it was too late. The tide hit me like a truck and I was immediately dragged underwater. Luckily, the tide calmed and I was able to pick myself up within a couple of seconds. My head ached in pain as I stood up on the damp and cold ground. However, I still realized I was missing something: my bomb. The wave had washed away the weapon my brother had made. A sudden wave of anger flowed within me.
There was no doubt this was a tsunami created by the Gamemakers. Those no-good creeps destroyed my big shot to end the Games. I was eager to kill those morons. I was hungry for their blood, but I knew I couldn’t possibly kill them while I was in the arena. At that point, I was just going to have to take my anger out on something else…perhaps a tribute. Yeah, that sounded nice. It would serve as a good warm-up before I was able to get my hands on one of those pathetic, little Gamemakers. Bottom line was that somebody was going to pay for this and somebody was going to suffer.
I pulled out my light-saber from my back pocket and set off to kill.
I really liked the figurative language you used to describe the wave like “come down like a hammer” and such. It allows readers to easily visualize what is happening. I also liked how you incorporated the bomb that you received from your other post.
I liked this post. I thought it was descriptive and how you used a simile; “The tide hit me like a truck and I was immediately dragged underwater.” Also I thought it was cool if you did it on purpose or not with these sentences; “The wave had washed away the weapon my brother had made. A sudden wave of anger flowed within me.” You said the washed away what your brother did, and then you said a wave of anger was over you. Good Job!
You could have showed not told that you got the ultimate weapon from your brother. Other than that, I thought your piece included many sensory details and a lot figurative language. These enhanced the writing and made me feel like I was there too.