I stood there in a sea full of nervousness. I looked around at the people surrounding me and a large smirk grew across my face. Sweat trickled down foreheads. Tears were streaming down faces. I could smell the fear. It was great. These people wouldn’t stand a chance in the games. I felt a certain feeling of satisfaction as I studied the competition. Suddenly, a strange lady named Harper Hayes strolled up to the center stage. Everyone turned to face her, and feared what she was about to say next. She spoke with great pride into the microphone and kicked off the reaping for the 80th annual Hunger Games. No one applauded. Their faces were blank, with a hint of hatred. I noticed there was a large jar filled to the top with tiny, white strips of paper. I could tell these strips had names on them, including mine. Harper reached into the jar. The fear within everybody started to build up like a skyscraper. I, on the other hand, was eager to be called.
Harper’s hand circled the bottom of the jar and grasped onto a strip of paper. She slowly brought it up to her face, unfolded it, and leaned into the microphone. Some people just couldn’t handle the suspense. They were sobbing before Harper even read out the name. Finally, Harper did so. She started to move her chapped lips and the words tumbled out immediately afterwards. I was utterly disappointed when she didn’t call out my name. The person she did call, however, trudged up to the stage with her head down and a couple tears forming in her eyes. Another twenty tributes probably were called after her, and each one had the same reaction. Then, Harper called my name. I gave off a smile of excitement as I strutted up to the stage. I made sure to give each tribute a dirty look as I strolled by them, a look that they would never forget, a look that said “I’m gonna destroy you”. I took my place at the end of the line and stood there until the reaping ended. As everyone slowly walked off the stage, I couldn’t help but think, “I can’t wait to kill these weaklings.”
Your post was really enjoyable to read, especially the end. I believe you could have used more figurative language during the part where you talk about other people. You used a lot of descriptive word in your writing though like this sentence “Harper’s hand circled the bottom of the jar and grasped onto a strip of paper. She slowly brought it up to her face, unfolded it, and leaned into the microphone.” I could picture that in my head.
This was a very detailed writing piece which helped a lot for me to visualize what was happening. Although, I did feel like there were a lot of fragments and short sentences. I love how your character describes everyone as weaklings, and shows how they are all sobbing and disappointed while you “can’t wait to kill them”. There were lots of sensory words, but most of it was visual. Try to use smell or taste once and then it will sound much better! Overall, this was a fun piece to read!